Institutional Memory
Jul. 5th, 2007 11:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
memento1Toby: "I think you don't know why you came here. You're a woman with a lot of options. You're acting like the world's backing you into a corner, bouncing from one thing to the next - from Bartlet to Santos, to Danny, to me. Maybe you should stop bouncing, pick something. What do you want?"
CJ: "I don't know."
So I was feeling a bit lonely and watched a few shippy scenes from West Wing tonight, and I caught the late Season 7 episode "Institutional Memory". It's always been a personal favorite of mine, but this one scene, with Toby and CJ having a heart-to-heart conversation, really got to me this time, because it's where I'm at right now. I'm feeling boxed into a corner and angry at life and this has been what's going through my mind - that I can't blame the world. I need to pick what I want, not complain about what I've been forced into. Toby and Danny help CJ start to work out what she wants, and the epsiode ends with her taking the first steps in that direction. Somehow that's very powerful to me. She's terrified of making decisions about her own life, and gets through it with help from her friends. It's a very scary thing to do, and I guess that's the simple truth that gets to me - admitting that it is scary and that I need help.
This is why I love my shows. I love that they have relevant messages and that I can still get things from them on the hundreth view.
CJ: “I missed the window. That’s what’s going on here. I...missed the window to figure out how to do this.”
Danny: “How to...?”
CJ: “Share my life with another person, how to be a partner, or whatever condescending way you put it this afternoon.”
Danny: “I wasn’t trying...”
CJ: “I don’t know how to do it. Maybe at one point I did, maybe I never did, but it’s over now, it’s too late. This...and skiing. It’s too late, it’s not going to happen.”
Danny: “CJ...”
CJ: “You said yourself, it’s not an accident that this hasn’t come together. This is who I am. I’m good at my job, Danny, I’m good at working, I’m not good at this.”
Danny: “You’re right, you suck at it, you’re going to need a tremendous amount of training.”
CJ: “You’re not going to...”
Danny: “I am actually.”
CJ: “...train me!”
Danny: “Well, I’ll call it something else, that sounds bad, but we’ll deal with it.”
CJ: “I don’t need training!”
Danny: “No, I...of course not.”
CJ: “That’s not funny.”
Danny: “No it isn’t. You’re going to get good at it. We’re going to get good at new things.”
CJ: “You don’t know that.”
Danny: “I do.”
CJ: “Don’t make it sounds like it’s nothing!”
Danny: “You didn’t miss it.”
CJ: “What if I did?”
Danny: “You didn’t miss it.”
CJ: “What if we can’t...?”
Danny: “We’ll figure it out. All of it. You can be scared. That’s OK! But you’re not going to walk away from me because you’re scared. I’m not that scary.”
CJ: "I don't know."
So I was feeling a bit lonely and watched a few shippy scenes from West Wing tonight, and I caught the late Season 7 episode "Institutional Memory". It's always been a personal favorite of mine, but this one scene, with Toby and CJ having a heart-to-heart conversation, really got to me this time, because it's where I'm at right now. I'm feeling boxed into a corner and angry at life and this has been what's going through my mind - that I can't blame the world. I need to pick what I want, not complain about what I've been forced into. Toby and Danny help CJ start to work out what she wants, and the epsiode ends with her taking the first steps in that direction. Somehow that's very powerful to me. She's terrified of making decisions about her own life, and gets through it with help from her friends. It's a very scary thing to do, and I guess that's the simple truth that gets to me - admitting that it is scary and that I need help.
This is why I love my shows. I love that they have relevant messages and that I can still get things from them on the hundreth view.
CJ: “I missed the window. That’s what’s going on here. I...missed the window to figure out how to do this.”
Danny: “How to...?”
CJ: “Share my life with another person, how to be a partner, or whatever condescending way you put it this afternoon.”
Danny: “I wasn’t trying...”
CJ: “I don’t know how to do it. Maybe at one point I did, maybe I never did, but it’s over now, it’s too late. This...and skiing. It’s too late, it’s not going to happen.”
Danny: “CJ...”
CJ: “You said yourself, it’s not an accident that this hasn’t come together. This is who I am. I’m good at my job, Danny, I’m good at working, I’m not good at this.”
Danny: “You’re right, you suck at it, you’re going to need a tremendous amount of training.”
CJ: “You’re not going to...”
Danny: “I am actually.”
CJ: “...train me!”
Danny: “Well, I’ll call it something else, that sounds bad, but we’ll deal with it.”
CJ: “I don’t need training!”
Danny: “No, I...of course not.”
CJ: “That’s not funny.”
Danny: “No it isn’t. You’re going to get good at it. We’re going to get good at new things.”
CJ: “You don’t know that.”
Danny: “I do.”
CJ: “Don’t make it sounds like it’s nothing!”
Danny: “You didn’t miss it.”
CJ: “What if I did?”
Danny: “You didn’t miss it.”
CJ: “What if we can’t...?”
Danny: “We’ll figure it out. All of it. You can be scared. That’s OK! But you’re not going to walk away from me because you’re scared. I’m not that scary.”
